You Don’t Have to Become Your Own Doctor
There are a few pieces of advice that quietly change the course of your life. Sometimes you recognize them immediately. Sometimes it takes years. For us, one of those moments happened long before cancer entered our lives.
Our friend Cindy worked in healthcare. Over the years she encouraged us to become active participants in our own healthcare. She also said something that’s stayed with us ever since: “You’ll always be your own best advocates.” At the time, we appreciated the advice, but we didn’t fully understand it.
Then one morning, I woke up in severe pain. We couldn’t get in to see my doctor, so we called Cindy. She didn’t tell us to wait. She didn’t tell us to hope it got better. She told us exactly what to say and exactly how to communicate what was happening. That conversation changed everything. It turned out to be a hernia, but the diagnosis wasn’t the point. The lesson was.
Years later, when cancer entered our lives, we found ourselves returning to Cindy’s advice again and again. Not because we needed to become doctors, but because we needed to become participants. At first, we thought those were the same thing. They aren’t.
We didn’t need to know everything about bladder cancer. We didn’t need to memorize every treatment option or understand every medical journal. Our doctors had spent years developing that expertise. That was their role. Our role was different. Our role was to understand enough to participate in the decisions that affected our lives.
That meant asking questions when we didn’t understand something. It meant reading our medical records. It meant researching information from sources we trusted. It meant bringing Patty to appointments. It meant taking notes. It meant saying, “Can you explain that another way?” It meant slowing down long enough to make informed decisions instead of rushed ones.
Over time, something changed. The appointments became less intimidating. The medical language became more familiar. The conversations became more productive. Not because we had become experts, but because we had become active participants in our own healthcare.
Looking back, I think that’s one of the greatest gifts our healthcare team gave us. They welcomed our participation. They answered our questions. They never expected us to know everything. They simply helped us understand enough to move forward.
If you’re walking through cancer, or any serious health condition, I’d encourage you to remember this:
You don’t have to become your own doctor. But you do deserve to become an active participant in your own healthcare.
Your healthcare team brings medical expertise. You bring your values, your experiences, your goals, and your questions. The best decisions are made when those perspectives come together.
At Life Between Scans, we believe honest conversations can help patients and caregivers make the decisions that are right for them.
We share experiences, not prescriptions.
If this reflection encouraged you, we’d love to invite you to continue the conversation.
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